my suicide

just thought of the words that would be written on my suicide note,
and so i sat down and thought of each word that one day you could quote,
and this is what I wrote...

MY HEART IS NOT A PUNCHING BAG,
WHY DO YOU SMASH YOUR FOLDED FISTS,
AND HAMMER YOUR PAIN INTO ME.

MY HEART IS NOT FOR TARGET PRACTICE,
A PLACE TO HAVE LOVE PRACTICE SESSIONS,
MY HEART IS NOT A LEARNING CENTRE..
FIND ANOTHER JANITOR TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOU

just thought of words that I'd use to explain why it all ended,
why i don't think anyone should be saddened,
so i sat down and reddened my hands with earth, as i scribbled into the ground..

MY HEART IS NOT A BALL, TO BE KICKED, THROWN, BATTED, ROLLED, BOUNCED, 
SO WHY DO YOU CURVE IT OPEN, FILL IT WITH ROSES, CHOCOLATE, WINE
THEN WHILE WE DINE,
YOU SET LIGHT TO THE LITTLE WE HAVE MANAGED TO BUILD,

MY HEART IS NOT A OLD HOUSE, I AM TIRED OF RE-PAINTING IT.
RESTORING THE FURNITURE, 
ACCOMMODATING YOUR TYPE,
REPAIRING MY SPACE,
TEACHING MY SOUL TO HARDEN,
LEARNING A NEW GAME, WITH EACH NEW VISITOR...

so i sat down and wrote these words,
that described how my heart is bleeding,
from games, from unsaid rules,
to tell all of you that my heart was not built to withstand punishment,

then i put my pen down.
then thoughts stopped flooding my brain,
then I saw my own handwriting on love notes,
then i heard my own voice urge you on, telling you to break me,
then i reached for my pencil
And I wrote this instead..

MY HEART WILL BLEED, 
MY HEART WILL MEND
MY HEART WILL ROLL
MY HEART WILL EVOLVE..
MY HEART WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO A HALT.
AND WHEN IT LOOKS BACK, MY HEART WILL SMILE, 
COZ IT KNOWS THAT IT BLED, LOVED and LOVED and LOVED again..